It is surprisingly difficult to maintain a moderate sense of distance. If close relationships such as friends, romantic boyfriends and girlfriends, or work groups are the cause of stress, the distance may be too close. Here are four tips on how to keep your distance.
Inability to maintain a proper sense of distance…Stress caused by close relationships
When asked about the stress they feel on a daily basis, I feel that there are many people who cite human relationships with close friends, such as “friendship in a group of close friends” and “very close relationships with a small number of people.”
For example, a person suffering from stress at work said, “It’s painful to hear all the complaints during lunch breaks and drinking parties.” We often hear from people who are worried about socializing with their neighbors, “When you get closer, it’s hard to see each other’s family circumstances.”
“I don’t like being isolated, but I also don’t want to be in a sticky relationship.” In this way, many people want to maintain human relationships, but are worried about how to maintain relationships that are not annoying .
Is it forbidden to be too close? “Appropriate distance” that people unconsciously try to keep
I feel relieved when I am away from my friends and I am alone. Do you ever feel that way?So why do relationships with people close to us, which should have been fun at first, eventually become a source of stress? This may be because they are not consciously trying to maintain an “appropriate sense of distance . “
First, when people interact with others, they unconsciously try to keep a physical distance and protect their personal space. Edward Hall, an American cultural anthropologist, called this personal space “personal space.”
Hall explained that he tries to have about 75 to 120 cm of personal space when he talks privately with others, and that being too close to that distance makes him feel uncomfortable. In other words, even if you are on good terms, being too close to others can cause stress.
However, if you can’t secure not only this physical personal space but also your mental personal space when interacting with others, it will become difficult.
Four tips to keep a moderate sense of distance in human relationships
So what should you do to maintain an appropriate emotional distance in your relationships? Here, I would like to recommend that you keep in mind the following four points.
1. Avoid spending too much time with the same person
If your work hours are long, make a conscious effort to secure personal time
If you spend too much time with certain people, it becomes painful to be with them.
For example, at work, even though we work together in the office for more than eight hours a day, we spend lunch breaks together. Even at night, we’ll be together again at drinking parties and club activities… If such a relationship continues, even if you are on good terms, you should feel suffocated.
It can’t be helped to share public time such as working hours, but you should consciously secure your personal time and space during your lunch break, after work, or on holidays.
2. Don’t disclose “everything”
Family circumstances, household circumstances, romantic history, personal complexes… Don’t you think that you can’t build a true friendship unless you share “everything” with each other?
Certainly, if you can “self-disclose” (to convey your own information as it is), the mental distance with others will be closer, and it will be easier to build trusting relationships. However, if you disclose too much, you may develop a feeling of dependence and request for the person who listened to you.
Be aware that some listeners may try to gain an advantage by holding information about the other person.
3. Don’t have “conformist” conversations
Synchronous conversation deepens relationship dependency
“Empathetic” conversations are important for deepening relationships. On the other hand, “sympathetic” conversations tend to make relationships more dependent.
For example, there are many people who think it is kind to respond sympathetically to the person who complained, “That’s terrible. I can’t forgive you!” However, in fact, this one word of conformity arouses further dissatisfaction in the other party.
Instead of empathizing with complaints, respond empathically by saying, “I know you’re having a hard time.”
4. Have an activity base with “3 points secured” Have
n’t the recent activity bases been mainly limited to “2 points”? For example, only “home” and “local circle”, only “home” and “workplace”, only “home” and “school”… In this way, if you focus your energy on one or two activity bases, your relationships with the people within them will become too deep and you will feel suffocated.
In order not to stress socializing with people, it is to distribute the activity base. In order to protect my safety, I take a posture of “securing 3 points” in mountain climbing and rock climbing. By distributing the fulcrums in three places, such as “both hands and one leg” and “one hand and both legs”, we are protecting our own safety.
Let’s incorporate this ′′ 3 points securing ′′ into human relationships and spread the risk. For example, if you are a housewife, try adding a “marathon circle” to the relationship between “home” and “local circle,” which is completely unrelated to them. If you are a working person, add “band activities” to “home” and “workplace”, which are completely unrelated to them. If you are a student, try adding “volunteer” to the relationship between “home” and “school”, which has nothing to do with them.
In this way, if you set up three or more completely different activity bases, you won’t have to worry about just one relationship problem.
Relationships with people close to us are thin and long, and we want to continue to cherish them. In order not to make the relationship a source of stress, why not use the tips above and devise ways to get along?