Children who are job hunting are prone to stress and fatigue. Even if you can’t get a job offer and you’re in the midst of anxiety and conflict, it’s important to understand and accept your feelings and regain your confidence. Be careful not to over-interfere or use words that should not be said. Here are some tips on how to support and interact with parents who are looking for a job.
Job-hunting is hard… The trials of children who challenge job-hunting and the suffering of independence
It is said that children experience the pain of independence three times in their lives. The first self-reliance is the first rebellious stage called “devil’s 2-year-old child”. The second self-reliance is the second rebellious period, which is “puberty”. And the third independence is the job hunting period. Job hunting is the last “independence period” for young people to escape from the protection of their parents and live on their own. This is the most challenging time for both parents and children.
Through job hunting, young people are forced to face difficult questions such as “Who am I?” and “How can I make the most of myself in society?” And we are questioned about our value in society. In such a situation, if the situation where you can’t get a job offer continues, the child will lose self-confidence.
Things parents shouldn’t say to their job-hunting kids
When I think of my child, I can’t help but say extra words. Children can be very hurt by those words.
During this job-hunting period, parents may hurt their children’s hearts by muttering casual words. You may say the following words out of impatience about not being able to find a job.
- “Be more greedy! Keep attacking!”
- “Be like a student! You have to be more lively!”
- “Dad (mother) got job offers from several companies at this time.”
- “It looks like your classmate ○○ has already got a job offer.”
- “Don’t you think that you can be spoiled by your parents forever?”
- “Did you only accept such a small company?”
Children are deeply hurt because of the words they say casually. So, how should parents treat their children during this delicate job-hunting period? I will tell you four points.
1. Accept your anxiety
When a parent thinks of their child and speaks witty words, they are often repelled, saying, “It’s unnecessary help!” Conversely, if you accept anxiety as a don, your child will be more likely to open up. And it is difficult for children to confide in their complicated feelings when facing job hunting. That’s why let’s have a word from the parent that will be a conversation starter. “You look tired. Would you like to talk to
2. Listen to the whole situation and feelings, and thank you for your hard work
If you get a chance to have a conversation in 1., listen to what the child has to say without denying it. When job hunting is difficult, they tend to convey their parents’ one-sided values. Put aside your values and listen to your child first. Then, thank them for their hard work, saying, “You spoke well” and “It was hard work. “
If they don’t want to talk, don’t force them. “If you feel like it, talk to me anytime.” “I think I can help, so tell me how you feel next time.” Having a message like this makes it easier to talk to them when they feel like it.
3. Discover and communicate the child’s “strengths” with the parent’s “favorite”
“Strengths” and “sells” are things that are difficult to discover on your own
There is always advice that only parents can give! In particular , the “strength” unique to my child is a point that can be discovered because I always look at my child with a “favorite eye”.
There may be some children who can’t find their own good points at all and despise themselves, saying, “I’m no good because I’m dark” or “I’m no good because I’m lazy.” If you look at such a child with the parent’s “favorite eye”, how will it appear? You may feel that you are a humble good girl, or that you are better than a braggart. That is the “strength” unique to my child.
If a child in the job hunting period is belittling himself, let’s capture the child’s personality with the parent’s “favorite eye” and turn “weaknesses” into “strengths”. And I think that by digging up episodes that lead to self-promotion together, the child will be able to remember their own strengths.
4. Never do a “home pressure interview”! Encourage courage to take a step forward
Even if you have a “pressure interview” at home, there is a lot of harm and no benefit! For example, asking a child who is having trouble finding a job, “What have you been up to!?” It’s good to show hope and encourage the courage to take a step forward, saying, “It’s okay. It’s not too late.”
Also, don’t criticize badly if the writing on your resume seems childish. It would be a good idea to specifically show what and how to write to resonate with the reader, such as “I think the interviewer will be interested if you write more about this.”
What can parents do best? Don’t over-interfere, “heart support”!
Parents’ casual support is the source of children’s courageDon’t pressure your child with judgmental words or feel insecure with your child. On the other hand, some children may not be able to get a job offer if they just leave it alone, saying, “I’m an adult, so I can think for myself.”
Of course, the original job-hunting process is not dependent on parents, but rather uses job-hunting support organizations inside and outside the school independently, and devise and challenge on their own. However, if you expect autonomy, your clumsy child may end up at a disadvantage as your clumsy child gets ahead of you.
It’s hard for a young person to bear the pressure of job hunting alone. Just as an athlete needs a coach, a child who is trying to find a job needs someone who can accept their true feelings and give them confidence. If you can’t rely on others, parents can play that role.
So that your child can fly into the sky of “society” with confidence, how about becoming a trustworthy adviser by staying close to their hearts? I’m sure you can be a strong ally for your child.